Stefanie Edwards Marketing Coach

Changing long-held self-beliefs

removing long held self-beliefs is a lot like remodeling a home

How can you begin to believe in your self-worth? In your ability to take on a new role, project, or relationship? 

When it comes to changing long-held feelings about yourself – ones that have shaped who you have become – where do you even begin to start? 

To ease you in gently, I would recommend you get comfortable, flip on HGTV and watch an episode of Fixer Upper. Yes, the home renovation show where Chip and Joanna Gaines help clients purchase an older, exhausted, and often too small house and then renovate it to become their dream home. 

You may now be asking, why in the world would I do that? Watching the show seeing the amazing transformation through the lens of construction, will help you understand the changes that can happen in your thoughts and feelings. 

Let’s break it down so this makes more sense. 

When it comes to moving on past your negative, hurtful, degrading, upsetting, stressful, scared, etc. feelings, you must back up to your thoughts, discover the ones that are leading to this feeling and reframe them. Reframe them just like Chip and Jo do reframing a house to change the footprint, to expand the size, and to make the house more functional. 

When they buy these older homes, the ones that are in a great location or a great lot close to work, but look like they have seen better days, they don’t fret. They just reframe the way it looks in a 3D rendering so the clients can begin to imagine and believe what is possible with a little bit of work. 

Joanna shows them the 3D renderings so they can start to see the potential she is already trained to see. Whereas they can only see the ugly colored carpeting, brown paneling, and sagging roofline, she sees white shiplap, new flooring, and beautiful open concept design. 

The same is often true of processing our own thoughts. We get stuck believing our thoughts as total truth and can’t see another alternative viewpoint. It takes working through our thoughts either on our own or even better with a life coach who can help you see the possibilities – just like Joanna helps the clients see what’s possible in the worn outhouse. 

Once they believe in it, they grant her the okay and away they go to reframing the home. And you’ll notice it always begins with Demo Day. Demolition is necessary to remove what doesn’t work and replace it with something that does. 

And that is where you have to get with your thoughts. If you are experiencing feelings that don’t serve you, it is time to demolish them by thinking and believing in new thoughts. 

“But, it’s not that easy,” you cry. 

I never said it would be. Chip is sweating in the hot Texas heat, exhausted working through each demolition and then consequential construction process, but he keeps on going knowing the investment of his time and energy is going to yield some amazing results. 

But it all starts with one swing of the hammer. Taking that first small step forward. And then another and another, until you start to see progress. It can take time, especially if you are working through life-long thoughts that have shaped your total existence. But you can get there in small increments. And sometimes you have big breakthrus that help you believe even more and keep moving forward with confidence. The good news is, the more you witness the small changes in yourself the more you will begin to see what is possible.  And when you begin to doubt, just settle back down, clear your mind and focus on another episode of Fixer Upper. Watch the process from start to finish and envision that happening in your life on your own thoughts and feelings. Then get back to work with reframing your thoughts – one at a time – until you feel comfortable believing them and holding them in your life as your new identity.